A man wanted to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. So he ordered a birthday cake. The salesman asked him what message he wanted put on the cake.
He thought for a moment and said, put "getting older but you are getting better".
The salesman asked "how do you want me to put it?" The man said 'Well...put "You are getting older"at the top and "but you are getting better" at the bottom.'
When the cake was unveiled at the party all the guests were aghast at the message on the cake.
It read: "You are getting older at the top, but you are getting better at the bottom"
Moral of the Story:
1. Double proof read everything before you send.
2. Don't trust others to write it right for you.
Showing posts with label Just for fun. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Just for fun. Show all posts
Sep 30, 2010
Dec 25, 2009
The Secret to a Happy Married Life
Once I was asked by my Friend, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?"
I said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and
Respect each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems."
He asked, "Can you explain?"
I said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions."
Still not convinced, Friend asked me "Give me some examples"
I said," Smaller issues like, which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator , monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it"
He asked, "Then what is your role?"
I said," My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iran, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar should retire, etc etc and Do you know one thing,
My wife NEVER, EVER objects to any of these"…………!!!!!!
I said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and
Respect each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems."
He asked, "Can you explain?"
I said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions."
Still not convinced, Friend asked me "Give me some examples"
I said," Smaller issues like, which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator , monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it"
He asked, "Then what is your role?"
I said," My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iran, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar should retire, etc etc and Do you know one thing,
My wife NEVER, EVER objects to any of these"…………!!!!!!
Oct 20, 2009
Funny oxymorons
An oxymoron is usually defined as a phrase in which two words of contradictory meaning are brought together>
1) Clearly misunderstood
2) Exact Estimate
3) Small Crowd
4) Act Naturally
5) Found Missing
6) Fully Empty
7) Pretty ugly
8) Seriously funny
9) Only choice
10) Original copies
One Oxymoron was used on Americans when they couldn’t find weapons of mass destruction
11) American intelligence
And Mother of all
12) Happily Married
1) Clearly misunderstood
2) Exact Estimate
3) Small Crowd
4) Act Naturally
5) Found Missing
6) Fully Empty
7) Pretty ugly
8) Seriously funny
9) Only choice
10) Original copies
One Oxymoron was used on Americans when they couldn’t find weapons of mass destruction
11) American intelligence
And Mother of all
12) Happily Married
May 25, 2009
Where is the time to study?
It Is No Fault Of Student Becoz A Year Has Only 365 Days.
Days In A Year = 365
Sundays = 52 Days
Sundays Are Meant For Rest
Days Left = 313 Days
Summer Vacations = 60 Days
Weather Is Very Hot, So It Is Difficult To Study
Days Left = 253 Days
8 Hours Of Daily Sleep = 122 Days
Sleep Is Necessary
Days Left = 131
1 Hour Daily For Play = 15 Days
Its Good For Health
Days Left = 116 Days
2 Hours Daily For Food = 30 Days
Chew The Food Properly Don't Care For Time
Days Left = 86 Days
Examination Days In A Year = 30 Days
Giving Exams Is Necessary
Days Left = 56 Days
Winter Vocations = 25 Days
Weather Is Cold Its Difficult To Study
Days Left = 31 Days
Other Holidays = 20 Days
These Holidays Are To Enjoy
Days Left = 11 Days
Illness At least Once A Year = 8 Days
Becoz Of Illness Study Is Difficult
Days Left = 3 Days
Result Days = 3 Days
Going And Taking Result Is Necessary
Days Left =0 Days
So Tell Me Where Is The Time To Study?
Days In A Year = 365
Sundays = 52 Days
Sundays Are Meant For Rest
Days Left = 313 Days
Summer Vacations = 60 Days
Weather Is Very Hot, So It Is Difficult To Study
Days Left = 253 Days
8 Hours Of Daily Sleep = 122 Days
Sleep Is Necessary
Days Left = 131
1 Hour Daily For Play = 15 Days
Its Good For Health
Days Left = 116 Days
2 Hours Daily For Food = 30 Days
Chew The Food Properly Don't Care For Time
Days Left = 86 Days
Examination Days In A Year = 30 Days
Giving Exams Is Necessary
Days Left = 56 Days
Winter Vocations = 25 Days
Weather Is Cold Its Difficult To Study
Days Left = 31 Days
Other Holidays = 20 Days
These Holidays Are To Enjoy
Days Left = 11 Days
Illness At least Once A Year = 8 Days
Becoz Of Illness Study Is Difficult
Days Left = 3 Days
Result Days = 3 Days
Going And Taking Result Is Necessary
Days Left =0 Days
So Tell Me Where Is The Time To Study?
Apr 17, 2009
Laugh your lungs out again
An insect falls into a mug of beer...
British:
Throws his mug away and walks out
American:
Takes the insect out and drinks the beer
Chinese:
Eats the insect and throws the beer away
Japanese:
Drinks the beer with insect as it is coming free
Indian:
Sells the beer to the American and insect to the Chinese and gets two new mugs of beer. ......
Pakistani:
- Accuses the Indian for throwing insect into his beer
- Relates the issue to Kashmir
- Asks the Chinese for Military aid
- Takes a loan from the American to buy one more mug of beer
British:
Throws his mug away and walks out
American:
Takes the insect out and drinks the beer
Chinese:
Eats the insect and throws the beer away
Japanese:
Drinks the beer with insect as it is coming free
Indian:
Sells the beer to the American and insect to the Chinese and gets two new mugs of beer. ......
Pakistani:
- Accuses the Indian for throwing insect into his beer
- Relates the issue to Kashmir
- Asks the Chinese for Military aid
- Takes a loan from the American to buy one more mug of beer
Mar 4, 2009
hehehe
An elderly gent was invited to an old friend's home for dinner one evening.
He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.
The couple had been married almost 70 years and clearly, they were still very much in love.
While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his host, 'I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names'
The old man hung his head. 'I have to tell you the truth,' he said, 'Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago and I'm scared to death to ask her what it is!'
He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.
The couple had been married almost 70 years and clearly, they were still very much in love.
While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his host, 'I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names'
The old man hung his head. 'I have to tell you the truth,' he said, 'Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago and I'm scared to death to ask her what it is!'
Jan 7, 2009
Marriage
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and
after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
'I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time
I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless
I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing
when I want with my old buddies, and don't you
give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules. Any comments?'
His new bride said:
'No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex
here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not.'
(DARN SHE'S GOOD!)
after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
'I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time
I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless
I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing
when I want with my old buddies, and don't you
give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules. Any comments?'
His new bride said:
'No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex
here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not.'
(DARN SHE'S GOOD!)
Dec 11, 2008
Very good one
A Sardar, a German and a Pakistani got arrested consuming alcohol
which is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia , so
for the terrible crime they are all sentenced 20 lashes each of the whip.
As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik announced:
'It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow
each of you one wish before your whipping.'
The German was first in line; he thought for a while and then said:
'Please tie a pillow to my back.'
This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the German had
to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.
The Pakistani was next up. After watching the German in horror he said
smugly: 'Please fix two pillows to my back.'
But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the Pakistani was
also led away whimpering loudly.
The Sardar was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the
Sheikh turned to him and said:
'You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is
one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!'
'Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness,' Sardar replied.
'In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me
not 20, but 100 lashes.'
'Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are
also very brave.' The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face.
'If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it.' And what is your
second wish?' the Sheik asked.
Sardar smiled and said, 'Tie the Pakistani to my back' !!!
'SINGH IS KING'
which is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia , so
for the terrible crime they are all sentenced 20 lashes each of the whip.
As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik announced:
'It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow
each of you one wish before your whipping.'
The German was first in line; he thought for a while and then said:
'Please tie a pillow to my back.'
This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the German had
to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.
The Pakistani was next up. After watching the German in horror he said
smugly: 'Please fix two pillows to my back.'
But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the Pakistani was
also led away whimpering loudly.
The Sardar was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the
Sheikh turned to him and said:
'You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is
one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!'
'Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness,' Sardar replied.
'In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me
not 20, but 100 lashes.'
'Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are
also very brave.' The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face.
'If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it.' And what is your
second wish?' the Sheik asked.
Sardar smiled and said, 'Tie the Pakistani to my back' !!!
'SINGH IS KING'
Nov 3, 2008
Good one
Does Management know their Staff?
On walking into the factory, the MD noticed a young guy leaning against the wall, doing nothing.
He approached the young man and calmly said to him, "How much do you earn?"
The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal question, he replied, none the less, "I earn $ 2 000.00 a month, Sir. Why?"
Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed $6000.00 cash and gave it to the young man and said, "Around here I pay people for working, not for standing around looking pretty! Here is your 3 months salary, now GET OUT and don't come back".
The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight.
Noticing a few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner, "And that applies for everybody in this company".
He approached one of the onlookers and asked him, "Who's the young man that I just fired?"
To which an amazing reply came of, "He was the pizza delivery man, Sir...!"
On walking into the factory, the MD noticed a young guy leaning against the wall, doing nothing.
He approached the young man and calmly said to him, "How much do you earn?"
The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal question, he replied, none the less, "I earn $ 2 000.00 a month, Sir. Why?"
Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed $6000.00 cash and gave it to the young man and said, "Around here I pay people for working, not for standing around looking pretty! Here is your 3 months salary, now GET OUT and don't come back".
The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight.
Noticing a few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner, "And that applies for everybody in this company".
He approached one of the onlookers and asked him, "Who's the young man that I just fired?"
To which an amazing reply came of, "He was the pizza delivery man, Sir...!"
Oct 16, 2008
HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE RIGHT JOB?
Put about 100 bricks in some Particular order in a closed Room with an Open window.
Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door..
Leave them alone and come back
After 6 hours and then analyze
The situation.
If they are counting the
Bricks.
Put them in the accounts
Department.
If they are recounting them..
Put them in auditing .
If they have messed up the
Whole place with the bricks.
Put them in engineering.
If they are arranging the
Bricks in some strange order.
Put them in planning.
If they are throwing the
Bricks at each other.
Put them in operations .
If they are sleeping.
Put them in security.
If they have broken the bricks
Into pieces.
Put them in information
Technology.
If they are sitting idle.
Put them in human resources.
If they say they have tried
Different combinations, yet
Not a brick has
Been moved. Put them in sales.
If they have already left for
The day.
Put them in marketing.
If they are staring out of the
Window.
Put them on strategic
Planning.
And then last but not least.
If they are talking to each
Other and not a single brick
Has been
Moved.
Congratulate them and put them
In top management.
Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door..
Leave them alone and come back
After 6 hours and then analyze
The situation.
If they are counting the
Bricks.
Put them in the accounts
Department.
If they are recounting them..
Put them in auditing .
If they have messed up the
Whole place with the bricks.
Put them in engineering.
If they are arranging the
Bricks in some strange order.
Put them in planning.
If they are throwing the
Bricks at each other.
Put them in operations .
If they are sleeping.
Put them in security.
If they have broken the bricks
Into pieces.
Put them in information
Technology.
If they are sitting idle.
Put them in human resources.
If they say they have tried
Different combinations, yet
Not a brick has
Been moved. Put them in sales.
If they have already left for
The day.
Put them in marketing.
If they are staring out of the
Window.
Put them on strategic
Planning.
And then last but not least.
If they are talking to each
Other and not a single brick
Has been
Moved.
Congratulate them and put them
In top management.
Oct 11, 2008
Good one
A Quality Engineer married a difficult girl...
After 2 years of tough life with her, the Engineer got angry and sent a note to his father-in-law stating that :
"YOUR PRODUCT NOT MEETING MY REQUIREMENTS".
...................The father-in-law replied:
"WARRANTY EXPIRED. MANUFACTURER NOT RESPONSIBLE"
Aug 27, 2008
The Four cats
A good one :)
Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were
The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third
man was a Chemist and the fourth man was a Government Employee.
To show off, the Engineer called his cat,
"T-square, do your stuff."
T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly
drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty
smart.
But the Accountant said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said,
"Spreadsheet, do your stuff."
Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He
divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies ...........Everyone agreed
that was good.
But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said
"Measure, do your stuff."
Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk,, got a 10
ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a
drop into the glass.
Everyone agreed that was pretty good.
Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, "What can
your cat do?"
The Government Employee called his cat and said.....
"Coffee Break.....do your stuff."
Coffee Break jumped to his feet........ ...
ate the cookies..... ......... .
drank the milk........ ......
sh*t on the paper....... ......... ....
screwed the other three cats........ ......... ....
claimed he injured his back while doing so.......... ........
filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions.. .......
put in for Workers Compensation. ......... .....and
went home for the rest of the day on sick leave....... ......!!! !!!!!!
Jul 3, 2008
Time to relax
A guy, sitting outside his home about to be evicted from his house, was contemplating how the future would be after he had divorced his wife, lost his children and lost his job.
He notices a crate of beer bottles and walks up to it.
He takes out an empty bottle, smashing it into the concrete wall swearing,
"You are the reason I don't have a wife",
second bottle, "You are the reason I don't have my children",
third bottle "You are the reason I lost my job".
He notices the fourth bottle is sealed and still full of beer. He
takes the bottle, puts it aside and says,
"Stand aside my dear friend; I know you were not involved"
Jun 4, 2008
Why Bill Gates decided to Sell OFF Microsoft?
Letter from Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft
Subject: Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you
to check this.
2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he
ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to 'sit', so that we can click that by sitting.
3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
4. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the
door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
5. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft
sentence', so when you will provide that?
6. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?
7. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
8. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
9. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past
Documents'?
10. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
Regards,
Banta
Last one to Mr Bill Gates :
Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS
Subject: Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you
to check this.
2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he
ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to 'sit', so that we can click that by sitting.
3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
4. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the
door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
5. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft
sentence', so when you will provide that?
6. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?
7. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
8. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
9. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past
Documents'?
10. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
Regards,
Banta
Last one to Mr Bill Gates :
Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS
Mar 27, 2008
good one
WRONG NUMBER
It was the day of my son's XII results and I was so tensed. I sat beside him while he logged on the website with his registration no. "Ma", he screamed in excitement," I scored 1191, with centum in 4 subjects.I cant believe it. " I kinda became numb in my excitement. My eyes became wet. I kissed him on his forehead and smiled.
Soon we realized that he stood first in the state. Oh, my joy knew no bounds when Reporters and media persons soon swamped my house for interviews and photos. I was so honored to join him in the snaps.
I wanted to call my "wrong-number-friend to tell him the news......I was so excited. He was someone whom I have known for more than 20 years.
I still do not remember when we became friends, but certainly cannot forget the first day he called me when I blasted him for giving me so many wrong calls.....after that he had called up a week later asking apology, for he had now got the right no of his friend whom he wanted to talk to .We spoke for an hour that day...even without knowing each other's names. Though he kept pestering me to reveal my name I never did and so he kept a name...Sweety. I used to get so shy whenever he called me 'Sweety'. I was doing first year of BSc. Maths then, and he was a Computer Engineering student.
>From then he used to call me very often . We almost discussed everything ..
By the final year of my college, we probably we were in love, but I had been cautious. I was in a dilemma whether to tell him. But what if he was of a different religion? Do I have the courage to talk to my parents about it? ........all these questions ran through my mind.
I decided I'll not talk to him thereafter. When he called next time I lied to him I that I was going to Delhi for my post graduation. He gave me his office number and asked me to ring him up once I reach there. I never called .......
A couple of months later my marriage got fixed with a guy of my parent's choice. I was not happy but I did not complain; rather accepted it as an obedient daughter. At times I felt I missed my wrong- number- friend.......
My hubby was a moody person; I have hardly spent any good time with him- but he was genuine indeed and never bothered my personal space. After 2 years we had a boy...Yet,I was not very happy with my married life...One day I happened to browse through my diary and found I still had my old friend's office phone no that he had given me. I dialed it and spoke with him. He said he was married and got a kid too. I was happy for him though in the bottom of the heart I felt bad that I could not marry him.
>From then I used to occasionally call him on that number. I never gave him mine as I felt that would put me in trouble... And till today I almost shared everything with him including my relationship with my hubby.....today I was so happy and I wanted to call him.
Just then I got a call. "Your husband met with an accident and died on the spot"
I banged the phone down. I broke. I did not call my friend.....I somehow started feeling guilty. I have never tried to talk to him properly when he was alive or moved close with him.... I felt I had been a bad wife........
A couple of years passed and one day my son brought home a Bengali girl and said they wanted to get married. I got them married as I did not want my son to go through what I did.
I decided to give my son his father's room and started clearing it. There was a phone book. I gently opened it to find, " Wrong no Sweety -26579785"
God always puts the right numbers together. Its we who
interpret it wrong!!!!!
It was the day of my son's XII results and I was so tensed. I sat beside him while he logged on the website with his registration no. "Ma", he screamed in excitement," I scored 1191, with centum in 4 subjects.I cant believe it. " I kinda became numb in my excitement. My eyes became wet. I kissed him on his forehead and smiled.
Soon we realized that he stood first in the state. Oh, my joy knew no bounds when Reporters and media persons soon swamped my house for interviews and photos. I was so honored to join him in the snaps.
I wanted to call my "wrong-number-friend to tell him the news......I was so excited. He was someone whom I have known for more than 20 years.
I still do not remember when we became friends, but certainly cannot forget the first day he called me when I blasted him for giving me so many wrong calls.....after that he had called up a week later asking apology, for he had now got the right no of his friend whom he wanted to talk to .We spoke for an hour that day...even without knowing each other's names. Though he kept pestering me to reveal my name I never did and so he kept a name...Sweety. I used to get so shy whenever he called me 'Sweety'. I was doing first year of BSc. Maths then, and he was a Computer Engineering student.
>From then he used to call me very often . We almost discussed everything ..
By the final year of my college, we probably we were in love, but I had been cautious. I was in a dilemma whether to tell him. But what if he was of a different religion? Do I have the courage to talk to my parents about it? ........all these questions ran through my mind.
I decided I'll not talk to him thereafter. When he called next time I lied to him I that I was going to Delhi for my post graduation. He gave me his office number and asked me to ring him up once I reach there. I never called .......
A couple of months later my marriage got fixed with a guy of my parent's choice. I was not happy but I did not complain; rather accepted it as an obedient daughter. At times I felt I missed my wrong- number- friend.......
My hubby was a moody person; I have hardly spent any good time with him- but he was genuine indeed and never bothered my personal space. After 2 years we had a boy...Yet,I was not very happy with my married life...One day I happened to browse through my diary and found I still had my old friend's office phone no that he had given me. I dialed it and spoke with him. He said he was married and got a kid too. I was happy for him though in the bottom of the heart I felt bad that I could not marry him.
>From then I used to occasionally call him on that number. I never gave him mine as I felt that would put me in trouble... And till today I almost shared everything with him including my relationship with my hubby.....today I was so happy and I wanted to call him.
Just then I got a call. "Your husband met with an accident and died on the spot"
I banged the phone down. I broke. I did not call my friend.....I somehow started feeling guilty. I have never tried to talk to him properly when he was alive or moved close with him.... I felt I had been a bad wife........
A couple of years passed and one day my son brought home a Bengali girl and said they wanted to get married. I got them married as I did not want my son to go through what I did.
I decided to give my son his father's room and started clearing it. There was a phone book. I gently opened it to find, " Wrong no Sweety -26579785"
God always puts the right numbers together. Its we who
interpret it wrong!!!!!
Dec 27, 2007
Jokes
Everyone gets situations in life to laugh their lungs out. All these happen at occasions or during a casual chat with friends. How can you laugh and have fun reading jokes? A very popular jokes site is 101funjokes.com which has been there in the web for many years. You have several hundreds of funny jokes on various categories like bar jokes, blonde jokes, celebrity jokes, etc. Just read them and have fun and frolic!
Dec 21, 2007
Jokes .. hehe
Man 1: Why are you burying your driving license?
Man 2: "It is expired"
Man 1: How come this book has only characters without stories?
Man 2: Oh, you are the one who took the telephone directory
Woman : I am one year elder to you, can't marry you?
Man : No problem, then I will marry you next year
Man 2: "It is expired"
Man 1: How come this book has only characters without stories?
Man 2: Oh, you are the one who took the telephone directory
Woman : I am one year elder to you, can't marry you?
Man : No problem, then I will marry you next year
Dilbert!
Boss: Please sort the 10,000 scrolls for the right information and I will present that info to the boss
Dilbert: Why are me and Alice always stuck with the dirty work
Boss: I am training you to be a good team player
Dilbert: Then why do you get to take all the credit?
Boss: I am training to be a good team leader
Nov 22, 2007
What should I do to marry a rich guy?
My colleague had shared this article with me. I could not stop laughing and also I appreciate the intelligence and presence of mind of J.P. Morgan.. Happy reading!
Some where in the beginning of 19th century:
A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:
Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?
I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York . My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden (?) , $250k annual income is not enough.
I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)
Ms. Ann
--------------------------------------------------------------
Here's a reply from a Wall Street Financial guy:
Dear Ms. Ann,
I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here. From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money": Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later.
By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position / Bull trend". If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term – same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased". Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.
Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in "leasing" services, do contact me…
signed,
J.P. Morgan
Some where in the beginning of 19th century:
A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:
Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?
I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York . My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden (?) , $250k annual income is not enough.
I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)
Ms. Ann
--------------------------------------------------------------
Here's a reply from a Wall Street Financial guy:
Dear Ms. Ann,
I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here. From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money": Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later.
By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position / Bull trend". If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term – same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased". Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.
Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in "leasing" services, do contact me…
signed,
J.P. Morgan
Nov 1, 2007
Men are always like that ;)
This happened on a late evening last week. My husband and I were to vist our friend who lives near by. Our plan was to goto a shop to get some grocery items and then my husband would do his hair cut and we meet up at our friends place.
Now the reason for a hair cut near that friend's place is a different story. We have shifted our home to a new area and the old house has been currently occupied by this good friend and her hubby. Though we shifted places my husband is so comfortable lending his head for a hair cut to that particular beauty salon. Now you know why? ;)
My husband wanted to write lots of Hindi songs in his hard disk from that friend's laptop. So I had told my husband that while he cut his hair I would copy all the songs from him in his hard disk. He concured with me. I went to the friend's place first and then started tittle tattling with my friend. As we were doing the talking, I opened my friend's laptop and connected my hard disk to it and started copying all her hindi songs into mine. I disconnected and started engaging in a conversation again with my friend.
After few moments, my husband returned from the salon and my friend's husband who was away on his MBA classes also came back. All the four of us had good fun and laughter. Then we bid bye to our friends and reached home at night.
A brand new day was born and went on as usual. As the sun started to set, my husband opened his laptop to listen to the songs that I had copied in his hard disk. He was shocked and cleared his throat and called me on top of his voice. While I was to find out the reason, he said "Dont tell me you are in the IT for 7 yrs now. Can't you concentrate on one job and do it properly until the end?" I was puzzled and asked him why he was saying that way. For which he replied that I had not copied any song into his hard disk while I was doubly sure that I had copied all of the folder into his hard disk and that I had also given the folder a name "chitz" representing our friend Chitra.
Inspite of me telling him that I was so sure that I had copied, he kept teasing me that I was only
busy chatting with my friend and never did the simple task properly. I felt embarassed and messaged my friend that I incorrectly copied the songs into her laptop again thereby creating a duplicate. She had laughed out loud in her reply message. Then I started doing my routine work again. After few moments, my husband asked me the name of the folder and I replied saying Chitz. He wanted me to spell it and I did.
He searched for the folder again and to his surprise it was there :-) .. He said yippie I found the folder now in the hard disk. He profoundly apologized with a lot of "sorry" repeating :-). I was never ready to compromise as I remembered his words very well that he had uttered a few mins back. Then I made him admit that whatever I had done was correct and that it was his carelessness that made him do an incorrect search. Also I proved a point of me being in the IT for 7+ years.
Finally our note ended on a good laughter and we started teasing each other.. lol.. Now you know why I said "Men are always like that.." Just put the blame on the better half and they keep moving on.. :-)
Now the reason for a hair cut near that friend's place is a different story. We have shifted our home to a new area and the old house has been currently occupied by this good friend and her hubby. Though we shifted places my husband is so comfortable lending his head for a hair cut to that particular beauty salon. Now you know why? ;)
My husband wanted to write lots of Hindi songs in his hard disk from that friend's laptop. So I had told my husband that while he cut his hair I would copy all the songs from him in his hard disk. He concured with me. I went to the friend's place first and then started tittle tattling with my friend. As we were doing the talking, I opened my friend's laptop and connected my hard disk to it and started copying all her hindi songs into mine. I disconnected and started engaging in a conversation again with my friend.
After few moments, my husband returned from the salon and my friend's husband who was away on his MBA classes also came back. All the four of us had good fun and laughter. Then we bid bye to our friends and reached home at night.
A brand new day was born and went on as usual. As the sun started to set, my husband opened his laptop to listen to the songs that I had copied in his hard disk. He was shocked and cleared his throat and called me on top of his voice. While I was to find out the reason, he said "Dont tell me you are in the IT for 7 yrs now. Can't you concentrate on one job and do it properly until the end?" I was puzzled and asked him why he was saying that way. For which he replied that I had not copied any song into his hard disk while I was doubly sure that I had copied all of the folder into his hard disk and that I had also given the folder a name "chitz" representing our friend Chitra.
Inspite of me telling him that I was so sure that I had copied, he kept teasing me that I was only
busy chatting with my friend and never did the simple task properly. I felt embarassed and messaged my friend that I incorrectly copied the songs into her laptop again thereby creating a duplicate. She had laughed out loud in her reply message. Then I started doing my routine work again. After few moments, my husband asked me the name of the folder and I replied saying Chitz. He wanted me to spell it and I did.
He searched for the folder again and to his surprise it was there :-) .. He said yippie I found the folder now in the hard disk. He profoundly apologized with a lot of "sorry" repeating :-). I was never ready to compromise as I remembered his words very well that he had uttered a few mins back. Then I made him admit that whatever I had done was correct and that it was his carelessness that made him do an incorrect search. Also I proved a point of me being in the IT for 7+ years.
Finally our note ended on a good laughter and we started teasing each other.. lol.. Now you know why I said "Men are always like that.." Just put the blame on the better half and they keep moving on.. :-)
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